Alright now, I know this is an off kilter way to start a Blog (I really should talk about why and vow to keep it up for some reason or another, but I know I won’t so why lie to myself), but I’d really like to take this opportunity to put forth a theory of mine. Keith’s Theory of Trucks in AlbertaTheory: The size of a man’s truck is directly proportional to how retarded he drives.

Proof: Do you really need proof? Just drive anywhere in Alberta. On any trip I guarantee you will see at least one dink in a giant truck driving like a total moron. It’s as inevitable as the tides. Pickups aren’t all that bad, usually prone to driving in the winter without sandbags, but that’s more funny to see than dangerous or truly retarded. A big Chevy truck… scary but still not the worst. Oft times the large Chevy is driven by old men or their wives.

No, the real problem I’m afraid lies with the Dodge Ram and the Ford F150. If you have one of those and you’re reading this, I’m sorry but you drive like a dickhead. Wait, I’m not sorry. You drive like a dickhead. Friggin’ stop it. Dickhead.

Where was I?

AH! My personal theory is that big trucks tie in to Keith’s Theory of Small Man Syndrome a different but equally as annoying theory of mine for another day. In this case I will propose the following:

The smaller a man’s “bit’s & pieces” the bigger the truck he needs to buy.

Some would say that is the realm of sports cars, but sports cars at least look cool, and frankly I assume that they work. Anyhow. Tiny Penis = Giant Truck. It’s the same as going out and buying the testosterone that God failed to see fit to give you. If you see a man driving a Dogde Ram quad cab extended box dualie (dually…?) you know that he’s packin’ about an inch and a half. That’s why they drive so aggressively. To prove to everyone that they’re all man! How could they not be, what with their giant trucks.

I hate them all. Hate is a strong word…. but it seems the most fitting.