Yesterday I had no plans for the weekend. I was thinking about sleeping, sleeping and possibly sleeping. Then, in the course of an hour, I have plans for every night. That doesn’t sounds like sleeping. Ali has decided that we’re overly negligent of our family and friends (we are) and that we should do something about it. Thus it’s off to my Poppa’s tonight, dinner with my Uncle tomorrow and off to see some friends of the family Sunday. I think that’s more family in one weekend than I’ve seen since Christmas all combined.Where do muscle guys buy their clothes? I’ve noticed that the bigger you are, the more retarded the outfit you wear to the gym has to be. I don’t think they still even sell shirts like those anymore. You know, the tank tops with the long shoulder straps and low armpits? It’s basically not even a shirt, but rather suspenders and a waistband. Now call me crazy, but I wear a t-shirt. Perhaps this is somehow preventing me from being gigantic, but I can’t see how. And where do they find their pants? Yesterday there was a muscle dude with his stupid looking tank top and purple hammer pants. No, not pants that can store a hammer, but rather pants that were once worn by MC Hammer. The worst part is that you can’t really make fun of them because they’re all gigantic and wacked out on anabolic steroids.

Actually, worse than muscle guys and their stupid shirt/pant combo’s are the guys I see running in the river valley everyday on my way to work. I played basketball for years and ran countless miles wearing shorts that were just above my knees. Not once in 4 years did I ever think to myself “I could probably run faster and farther if these shorts only went halfway down my ass.” First of all, nobody wants to see some dudes ass, especially while he’s running. Second, I refuse to believe that it makes any difference whatsoever. I went to school for a looong time, thus I know that the energy required to overcome the force of friction between your body and normal shorts amounts to about one calorie per 100 miles spent running. I can maybe understand dudes in the Olympics who are running 24km trying to save some energy by wearing short shorts. But a memo to the old man running at lunch time: You aren’t fooling anybody but yourself. I think the worst thing about those shorts is that they have to have ‘built-ins’ because even the conventional tighty whitey would be too long to be adequately concealed. That ain’t right.