Admittedly I don’t really watch a lot of television. Often when the TV is on it is providing a distraction while I do something else, like work. Today at lunch, the TV was one and serving as a distraction while I ate my lunch and tried to keep my dogs from eating my tuna sandwich. A commercial for Microsoft came on. It was pretty much just people talking about stuff (I wasn’t really paying attention) while all types of crazy crap floated around them. After a brief description as to what the commercial was selling (I forget what… great ad by the way) it cut to a little oriental girl who appears to fart fish. Seriously, a fan of fish come flying out of her ass.Now am I to believe that no one in the approval process that commercials such as this must surely pass through, noticed this.
“Great ad team, it think it’s a winner” said the ad exec.
“Uh, not to be overly picky, but I think a little Chinese girl crapped a school of fish in there. Could we maybe, I don’t know, re-edit that bit and make it a tad less gross?” said some remotely intelligent peon.
“Editing costs money pervert. You’re fired.”
I suppose that it is too much to ask that people actually think about what they’re doing while they’re doing it.
Change of Topic
Is that Belinda Stronach chick really allowed to just change political affiliations on a whim like that? I mean, in Canada you’re voting for the party more than the person, so if you vote in a Conservative you’re giving the Conservatives your vote. Not some dumb woman. If I was Steven Harper I would bitch slap her and Paul Martin. Mostly because Paul Martin is a dickhead. And a billionaire. Mainly a dickhead though. Some MP from Drayton Valley called her a whore, frankly, that’s what I love about Alberta. Any province that is willing to elect someone whom is that incapable of thinking before speaking is A-OK in my books. I’m thinking of moving to Drayton Valley just so I can vote for that hick.
Also, Belinda was bribed. She was given a cabinet position that pays more cash and offers more prestige. It’s no different than if Stevey Harper went to some Liberal MP and said “dude, I’ll give you $40,000 per year and a cool job title if you cross the floor. ” It’s just dishonest. I would like to say that some politicians are honest (like that dude from Drayton Valley who is clearly not intelligent to weave a cunning web of deception) but who can tell nowadays. I say “bomb them all and let God sort the liars from the cheaters”, but I’m careful never to say it too loudly. You never know when a member of the Canadian Intelligence community might be listening in.
Disclaimer: Please don’t bomb parliament. It was a joke. Not even a good one. Seriously. I would delete it on the grounds of it’s relative lack of hilarity, but I’m too lazy.Change of Topic
Is it just me, or is there some unwritten law that if you’re alone in a room and you fart, someone else will immediately walk in. You can tell as soon as they walk in they know you farted. It’s always like “hey Keith, can you…” nose wrinkles “do… this… thing for me”. Then they give you a look of disapproval. There’s no where to run, nowhere to hide, and more importantly, no one to blame.
That’s why I always wait until I’m in a room with at least three people. That way, once I’ve done the deed, there remains some doubt as to exactly who the perpetrator of said fart was. Unless someone is willing to ask “who crapped themselves”, which they rarely are, you get off scott free. Better still, if someone asks “did you fart?” you can say “no” and still be believed. Plausible deniability, that’s all I ask for.
The absolute best places to fart are:
1) at the mall, and
2) in a club.
I like to fart on escalators, then look back and see the looks on peoples faces as they’re carried through my poopy trail. I also like to fart right before I leave a store. That way people will remember I was there. In a bar farting is cool because the amount of people packed in there make it impossible to pin the fart on me. I don’t even try to squeak them out quietly at the bar. I just cut loose. It’s better that way.
