I’m a big guy. I’m 6′8″ and about 240lbs. There is a lot of me to go around. For some reason this makes shopping for clothes almost impossible. I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only tall dude in the world. I’ve even met a number of dudes taller than me. This has absolutely no bearing on the clothing industry whatsoever. For some odd reason, people in the clothing industry only cater to two sizes of people, normal and fat. At 240lbs, I am far from fat, but also, far from normal. I take a 36 inch waist and a 38 inch inseem. Does anyone in the entire world make this combination? No. I have never found a single pair of pants in my entire life that fit properly. It’s annoying. I’ve even tried Big & Tall stores, but for some odd reason, they assume that everyone is both big and tall. I’ve seriously found pants there that have a 48inch waist and a 38 inch inseem. Where is the monolith that can wear those pants? Seriously, that’s like Andre the Giant sized. I have never, in my entire life, seen anyone that big. It’s insane. And for some reason big and tall stores seem to forget that 1993 was 12 years ago. If you want some fitted, tapered, light blue, acid wash jeans, then Mr. Big & Tall is the place for you! Awesome, I’ll take two pair of giant, fat man pants, and why don’t you just throw in some of those sweet Cosby sweaters to finish the look. Ah…. that’s the way, now I can never have sex again! Thank you Mr. Big & Tall!T-shirts are no better. Sizes are small, medium, large, and fat-ass. No tall. If I buy large, the shirt is snug and too short. If I buy XL, the shirt is FREAKING HUGE, and too short. Bah! I hate that stores will cater to fat people, but not tall people. If stores didn’t make clothing for fat people, they could always lose some weight and then buy cool clothes. When stores don’t make clothing for tall people, we’re forced to wear ill fitting attire. That’s (to quote the mid 90’s) lame. I have to look like a moron every day because more people are fat than tall. What a stupid world.

This has all become an issue because I need a new pair of jeans. Because I have to buy jeans with a 32″ inseem I have to wear them really low. This inevitably leads to my tearing the crotch out of them, as I have done right now. If I can’t find a new pair of pants soon, my balls will be on permanent display, which luckily for me, is totally acceptable in any office environment.

I suppose my only option is to get outrageously fat. Hoo AH!