Blogger continues to be broken and will not allow me to color my text. I continue to be lazy and unwilling to add my own class to the text. I know how, but I find doing web work for free to be a lot like working, but for free. As a result, I won’t even open Photoshop if I’m off of the clock these days.

Anyhow, on Saturday it was cold and raining, so I decided to cheer myself up with a giant pot of chili. Seeing as how Mrs. Iron has been doing Weight Watchers lately, this left a large pot of chili to be eaten. By me. In one weekend. This did not prove too great of an obstacle.

Then last night I had a steak that was honestly as big as my head. It was enormous. I topped if off with some mixed veggies.

Where is all of this leading? Why, I’ll tell you. Today at work we took on two new employees. All morning we met, chatted, and helped them to get acquainted to their new surroundings. Throughout these proceedings I had to fart like nobody’s business, but out of courtesy, I repressed the urge. Then we all went to lunch together. I had a rice bowl.

Let me diverge for a moment here. I fart all of the time. I’ve blogged about it in the past. Chili makes me fart. Red meat is like a yummy enema. Complex starches, like those found in vegetables give me gas. Rice gives me gas.

I was with the students all day, and during my one attempted pee break, one of them followed me in, thus limiting my outburst. They just left for the day.

Prior to their departure I was beginning to have chest pains, and my stomach felt noticeably swollen. When they left, and had been gone for a sufficient amount of time I cut loose.

I can honestly say that I’ve never farted louder, or longer in my entire life. Let alone the combination of the two.

I am certain that there are other people in my office building who fear for the structural integrity of our building. And the smell. It was like chili and a dead raccoon crawled into my bum and fermented for months on end.

This could not have been healthy. Even as I write this, aftershocks threaten our national security. Our new employees may have to become acquainted with ‘Farty Keith’ ahead of schedule.