NOTE: From now on when I don’t have anything relevant to write about in my life, rather than prattle on and on about nothing, I will review something I have done recently. This may, or may not, be more entertaining than usual.

Hitch
First and foremost, why is Will Smith still famous? Has he ingrained himself so deeply within our pop culture that no matter how many shyte movies he makes in a row, people will continue to allow him to continue making more? Is he blackmailing several different studio heads? I don’t get it.My Mom wanted to watch this movie, and because everything else in the movie store was complete garbage, I agreed. If not for the fat guy from “King of Queens” I would give this movie one of a possible five Steve Guttenburg Heads, however, the fat guy from “King of Queens” is hilarious. Thus:

Yes, that’s right, that fat little man warms the very cockles of my heart. He carries this movie from the depths of oblivion into my realm of acceptable moviedom.

I will freely admit that for some odd reason I love romantic comedies. Hitch falls more into the realm of cheestastic comedies. Seriously, Will Smith busts out some of the worst lines I’ve ever heard. He’s one step away from “is your Daddy a thief?” (as an aside, the best way to finish that line is “because I think the bastard stole my wallet.” Hilarious. If that doesn’t get you a lady, you are one ugly man.)

I have Googled King of Queens and discovered that the fat guy is named Kevin James. Kevin James is hilarious. He can do no wrong in my book, and as a matter of fact, I demand that all future movies bring in Kevin James for a cameo. Similar to what’s currently happening with Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller. Are people allowed to make movies without a Ben Stiller cameo? I think not.

If you want to watch Hitch, I would recommend just skipping to all of the hilarious Kevin James parts, and leaving Will Smith in 1996 where he was famous, funny, and successful. Has he done anything worth seeing since The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire? Oh man, I hope it’s not The Phresh Prince of Bel Aire, because then everyone would know that I’m a white guy from Alberta. How embarrassing. I feel like such an idiot, gosh. Will Smith’s movies have all been so terrible that I wouldn’t even waste a “famous” B-actor’s visage for a rating. Well, maybe that guy who made all of the silly sound effects in Spaceballs and Police Academy. Then again, maybe not. That dude is hilarious.