Who is the most annoying of all the actors in Three Men and a Baby? Well, Steve Gutenberg is probably dead by now, so it would be unkind to say it’s him. Tom Selleck is awesome, and he has a moustache that could kick my ass, so it isn’t him. Therefore, by process of elimination, it must be Ted Danson. As the worst actor from one of the cheesiest movies of all time, it is only fitting that someone that craptacular be used to rate Jungle Jim’s in West Edmonton Mall:
Yes, it is the coveted one of a possible five Ted Danson heads, the worst rating that I could think of this early in the morning.
As a preface to why we went to a tiki themed restaurant called Jungle Jim’s in the first place, I feel it necessary to state that it is all my Mom’s fault. She and my father moved to Australia six years ago, and as such have been forced to live without certain items that we Canadians have become accustomed to taking for granted. Among these items, Ju-Jubes, Peanut Buster Parfait, Thousand Island dressing, and hot wings. Beer and hot wings are a staple in my family, and have been for years. As such, one of the first things my Mom wanted to do upon arriving in Canada was head out for a good feed of hot wings. We happened to be in West Edmonton Mall, when we walked by a sign declaring it to be “Wing Wednesday” at Jungle Jim’s and and reservations we may have had were forgotten.
First of all, it took at least 10 minutes until our waitress arrived to take our drink order, which is about 9 minutes too long. When she did arrive, she informed us that wing Wednesday was 8 wings for $5, but you had to buy a drink and ranch was extra. That is not a deal. That’s 63 cents per wing. That should just be how much wings cost. A deal would be 20 cents per wing, like at Orlando’s on Calgary Trail. Right there I decided no wings for me.
Now wings aren’t wings without beer, so my wife, Mom, and Brother decided to split a pitcher of beer. When the pitcher finally came, it had this really cool ice compartment at the back to keep the beer cold. “Hey, that’s cool” we all thought. Maybe Jungle Jim’s was looking up after all. Then the food came. I had ordered a BBQ chicken sandwich for $10. What I got was a grilled chicken breast with some BBQ sauce poured on after the fact, on a wonderbread bun, with one slice of tomato, and one piece of lettuce. It was the most bland, tasteless, and uninspired meal I have ever had the joy of paying $10 dollars for.
The wings were terrible too. Poor Mom, who had traveled 18 hours just to be in Canada, was quite disappointed. She didn’t even finish hers. My brother had also ordered a bowl of french onion soup, because he didn’t think that 8 wings would cut it as a meal. The waitress forgot to bring it. Twice. It finally arrived at our table after we were all finished eating. To their credit they did knock it off of our bill. To their detriment, is was powdered soup that didn’t even have onions in it. The croutons instead of french bread were a nice touch though. Classy.
Oh, and remember the saving grace of the cold beer pitcher? It was basically just a section in the back of the pitcher that could store ice cubes without watering down the beer. To keep the ice from spilling, a lid was placed over the ice section of the pitcher. This bring up the importance of placed vs. sealed. You see, because it was placed, as soon as my brother went to pour the last glass of beer and tilted the pitcher past 90 degrees the lid fell off and all of the ice poured into his lap. Now, I thought this was hilarious. My brother did not. Then, no more than two minutes later, the exact same thing happened to the table behind us.
Read carefully here: Do not eat at Jungle Jim’s. If you do, it is because you are a moron and deserve a crap meal.
