I’m not a smart man, and as such I have little to offer in terms of true reflection regarding the ramifications of the election. I am only qualified to say this:
Did anyone else think Peter Mansbridge’s lips looked absolutely disgusting? I’m sure he was saying things, but all I could think was “what the hell is wrong with this guy’s lips?” It was like he had two sets or something. It gave me the heebie jeebies.
Creepy.
It would seem that the time is now upon me to make a decision and vote. For the first time in my life I have absolutely no idea as to who to vote for. It could be a result of my increasingly radical views on politics in general, but none of the parties seem to embrace my particular extremist stance.
Do I vote for the Liberals and their “we can probably buy votes” strategy? You have to kind of admire a party who seeks to legalize both marijuana and prostitution. Combine that with ties to organized crime and an agenda that calls for massively increased spending on every possible front and corporate tax cuts, and I believe you’re firmly establishing a precedent for absolute societal decay. Remember the 80’s? Didn’t Reagan and Thatcher already prove that the “trickle down effect” doesn’t really work? Why do the Liberals think that it will work this time around? Plus Paul Martin is a bit of a dickhead, don’t you think?
Do I vote Conservative and join the frey in the battle against the social issues that are devastating our country? I mean, since gay marriage was legalized I’ve been afraid to leave my home. I think the time for battling against gay marriage has passed - we lost - someone needs to explain that to Steve. And don’t the conservatives listen to System of a Down? If they did I’m sure they would know that “all research on successful drug policy shows that treatment should be increased, and law enforcement decreased, while abolishing mandatory minimum sentences.” Then again, I don’t think the Conservatives listen to anything that would offend the extremely elderly - who constitute their entire voter base if their policy is any measure of demographics.
Do I vote NDP? While rampant spending seems like a good idea, I really don’t like paying taxes. At all. As a matter of fact, if a part was offering me the option of no longer paying tax, I would vote for that party. That is a policy I can sink my teeth in to. And is it just me, or does Jack Layton remind anyone else of someone’s annoying brother that his Mom makes him play with? “Paul and Steve! When you go to that debate you take your socialist brother!” If you watched the debates you would think that Jack Layton was secretly plotting the assassination of Paul Martin because the Liberals are so obviously corrupt and unfit to rule. Then, when no one is really looking, the NDP jumps right into bed with the Liberals to force their minority social issues through the house by basically blackmailing the Liberals. Who are the truly corrupt?
Do I vote for the Green party? With a pressing social agenda encompassing such valid and necessary ideals as improved treatment of zoo animals, I don’t see how I could not! I mean, think of those animals… in zoos… being well fed and taken care of, with full access to professional medical care, daily feeding regimines, a life free from predators, and a well maintained habitat. That is a travesty. Far more important than dealing with the masses of homeless throughout Canada. Oh, and I agree that we need to treat animals in slaughter houses more humanely before we fire steel bolts into their heads and slice and grind them into choice cuts. That would be money well spent. Women only seats in the House? Why not, I mean, it seems completely logical to force several ridings to only have the option to vote for women regardless of their suitability. Thanks Green party! You mindless pandering hippies….
Do I vote Libertarian, Communist, Marxist/Leninist (why do we need 2 of the same party?), or independent? No.
Seriously now, please tell me who to vote for. Anyone who can give me one (1) good reason why I should vote for any of these parties will curry my favor and win my vote. Please help me.
Last night was Game One of my basketball league. It went - okay. Here’s the deal, my buddy Justin, myself, and another friend Jamie managed around 36 points as a combined total. We lost the game 60 to 52. Now I’m not saying that I am a basketball superstar, far from it in fact, but I still managed 8 points. The other 8 players on my team managed 24.
It’s supposed to be a recreation league, so there are rules in place saying that everyone will get equal play time. With that in mind we split the team into shifts. Justin, Jamie and I all knew each other, so we all went on the same line. This proved to be a mistake. Our line probably went 36 to 20. We played one third of the game. The other two lines went 24 to 40. I’m thinking that next game we’re going to have to even off our lines a tad.
It’s not that the rest of our team is less talented per se, it’s just that they’re all small. Really small. I’m 6′8″, Justin is about 6′ and Jamie is maybe a hair taller than Justin. I’m pretty sure that the next tallest guy on our team is 5′8″, and then it’s downhill from there. One dude is about 5′6″ and 100lbs. This a basketball superstar does not make. It would be fine if he could dribble or shoot, but neither of those skills seem to be his forte. Basically he’s a tiny little dude who can’t play basketball - not exactly what I would consider an asset to the team.
But therein lies the rub. You see, this is all ‘for fun’. The games are supposed to be fairly laid back and everyone is supposed to have fun. One of the league rules is to “play at the same level as everyone else”. Basically they ask great players to tone it down a tad so that everyone has fun, and that is my problem. I won’t have fun if I’m not winning. I don’t know where this competetive nature came from, when I played in high school I honestly did not care one way or the other, but now - I want to win. I’ll blame video games because they seem to be a convenient scape goat these days.
The other huge problem I’m having is that the league is co-ed. I’m a big guy, and I like to play a fairly physical game. This is not an option when there are girls on the court. I can’t just go running into the frey to grab a rebound because there is a good chance I will kill a girl. I can’t count how many times I could have stuffed the hell out of a girl but instead just stood there with my hands up in the air like a complete goof. I’m going to hurt a girl, I just know it. The one time I go running into the key at full steam for a rebound I’m going to launch some 80lb asian girl into orbit. This fear nearly cripples me on the court.
Complaints aside, basketball league is fun. I’m sure that my team can take the championship too. Last night we played the reigning champs from last season and lost by 8 with almost no b-line help. Once we sort out the roster we’ll hand those chumps their asses. We play every Thursday, so for the next few weeks expect Friday to offer some sweet play by play.
I work a screwy schedule right now. Thursday to Monday, 10 to 7, and I really don’t like it at all. Sadly, I have a pretty cool job and I’m not willing to quit. I’ve been here for a little over two months now, and I’m starting to find my place and make my mark. This is great because it means more money, more responsibility and hopefully, better hours.
Now there are certain things that I am really good at. One of them is Flash. I am the only person at my company who knows Flash, yet another tally to the “Keith is Cool” scoreboard. At any rate, a fairly important person (or rather a person who knows lot’s of important people) needed a site built in one week, and they wanted it done in Flash.
Now I can build a site in a hurry if I have to, but this lady came in on a Monday. I don’t work Tuesday’s or Wednesday’s. Oh wait: I didn’t used to work Tuesday’s or Wednesday’s.
Now I could have just pushed the weekend to the actual weekend, but the reason I work weekends is because I have to monitor a project of ours that streams live video; primarily on weekends. That is why today is the 10th straight day I’ve had to work.
I would dog it today, and do just enough to not get in trouble, but I have another priority project that has to be completed by next Friday, so it’s looking altogether likely that I will have to work this weekend as well.
I suppose this is the price I pay for working at a small firm that does big things. There are upsides – don’t misconstrue my lament for self-pity – I’m just feeling a little burnt out. That is why I am starting the Countdown to Las Vegas.
COUNTDOWN TO LAS VEGAS:
00:
00:
00:
00
Oh Vegas, I know that you will save me from this insanity. It has become my goal to cut loose for 4 days and 3 nights on the strip; and you had best believe that I am going to ride all three of these. There is nothing like near death to make one appreciate life.
Bring it Vegas, in T-minus 30 days and counting.
DISCLAIMER: I am going to talk about the book, and I am going to say whatever I want. If you haven’t read it, but plan to, don’t read this.
I will admit, I am the last person on the planet to read The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. I would go so far as to say that the book has been more than a little hyped, so you’ll have to forgive me for saying that I thought it was mediocre at best.
First of all, the way it was written was cheap. Cliched devices - like about 412 cliff hangers - forced dialog, it had it all. I suppose it is difficult to create a suspenseful novel that will appeal to today’s jaded, television savvy, audience but seriously, tone it down a tad there Dan.
I could deal with that though, because honestly once I turned my brain off I was really enjoying the ride. Therein lies the rub though, because I’m pretty sure that everyone who read that book also turned their brains off, and as such seem to have lost track of the fact that this book is a work of fiction.
fiction: a literary work based on the imagination and not necessarily on fact
Okay now, is everbody clear on that? Here’s a news flash, all of the stuff said in the Da Vinci code, like Jesus marrying Mary Magdalene, having a kid etc. has been around for years. Just because Leonardo Da Vinci believed it doesn’t make it true. Leo was an artist, and an inventor, but as far as I know he never invented a way to travel through time and as such is no better a source of information on historical facts than anyone else. Oh, Leo painted The Last Supper with Mary Magdalene on Jesus’ right, so they were married and had kids. We know this because Leonardo Da Vinci was a genius, and anything he painted was 100% historically accurate. Oh yeah, unless you count that in the same painting Jesus is a white dude - as are most people born in the middle east.
If you want to believe that Jesus had a wife and kids, go hard, it doesn’t offend me in the least. Just don’t quote a work of complete fiction as the source for your belief. Bah!
What’s more, it’s not even good fiction. Here’s something: the clever twist at the end was complete garbage. It was only a surprise because it made absolutely no sense. Wooo, tricky writing there Mr. Brown.
Let me spell it out for you:
Now tell me this - why the hell would he try to kill people who were helping him find the grail? Seriously, even if they said “we don’t want to tell people where the grail is” he could just dig it up anyways. But no, he has to go to incredibly elaborate means to keep his identity a secret so that he can publicly reveal the grail and incriminate himself for all of the shady business he’s been up to.
The only reason this is a suprise is because it makes little to no sense. And why, pray tell, does his butler - who is in on the whole deal, planting bug and doing intense surveilence of all members of the Illuminati as well as the police force currently tracking Langdon - approach Teabag - who is the mastermind behind this entire plot - to tell him Langdon is on the run from the law? They already know this, they have a bug listening in on the police investigation. Could it be that at this point in the novel not even Dan Brown had figured out the twist? I think yes.
Okay, so the Butler tells Teabag some information he already know, and Teabag says “play it cool sucka, we’re after the grail here” (paraphrased) and the butler gets pissed. What? No. What? How did this slip through the editing process. Oh yeah, and somewhere in here Teabag calls Silas to come and steal the grail - from himself. So that Silas can give him what he is already holding in his damn cripple hands! What’s the motivation for this? Why would he not want other people there when he finds the grail if his intent was to tell the world?
Dan Brown just tacked the twist on. Period. At some point he was like “oh hey, the whole Teacher thing is a bit of a loose end sooooo Teabag is the teacher. Yeah, that ought to work.”
And now Tom Hanks is in the movie and I’m still left sitting here wondering: am I the only one who noticed that this book is retarded?
Why is it that this time of year sucks so hard? Is it that I’m Canadian, and as such don’t get to see the sun between January and March? Is it the cold? Or is it the knowledge that this is as far away from Christmas as I could possibly be?
You see, I love Christmas. Not the shopping, or the boozing, nor is it the lights, or food. For me, it’s a time of year to take it easy, spend time with your friends and family, and just veg out. I am a big fan of taking it easy; I have actually elevated it to a pinnacle achieved by only a select few in the history of mankind. My Wife and Mom are fond of joking that whatever it is that kills me, it won’t be stress. I’d get upset, but why bother.
That’s why Christmas fits me like a glove. At work I get to leave early after a day spent slacking off and eating chinese food. Why? Christmas. At home I get to eat like a fool and stay up all night watching movies with my brother-in-law. Why? It’s Christmas. I love it, and now it’s over - again.
The fireworks at New Years are the perfect metaphor for the holidays, hours of anticipation punctuated with the most anticlimatic of events, then a long drive home. January is the long drive home, and I tire of being stuck in traffic. Sadly, it is only the second. 57 days of misery until a faint glimmer of hope arrives in the form of March.
