It would seem that the time is now upon me to make a decision and vote. For the first time in my life I have absolutely no idea as to who to vote for. It could be a result of my increasingly radical views on politics in general, but none of the parties seem to embrace my particular extremist stance.
Do I vote for the Liberals and their “we can probably buy votes” strategy? You have to kind of admire a party who seeks to legalize both marijuana and prostitution. Combine that with ties to organized crime and an agenda that calls for massively increased spending on every possible front and corporate tax cuts, and I believe you’re firmly establishing a precedent for absolute societal decay. Remember the 80’s? Didn’t Reagan and Thatcher already prove that the “trickle down effect” doesn’t really work? Why do the Liberals think that it will work this time around? Plus Paul Martin is a bit of a dickhead, don’t you think?
Do I vote Conservative and join the frey in the battle against the social issues that are devastating our country? I mean, since gay marriage was legalized I’ve been afraid to leave my home. I think the time for battling against gay marriage has passed - we lost - someone needs to explain that to Steve. And don’t the conservatives listen to System of a Down? If they did I’m sure they would know that “all research on successful drug policy shows that treatment should be increased, and law enforcement decreased, while abolishing mandatory minimum sentences.” Then again, I don’t think the Conservatives listen to anything that would offend the extremely elderly - who constitute their entire voter base if their policy is any measure of demographics.
Do I vote NDP? While rampant spending seems like a good idea, I really don’t like paying taxes. At all. As a matter of fact, if a part was offering me the option of no longer paying tax, I would vote for that party. That is a policy I can sink my teeth in to. And is it just me, or does Jack Layton remind anyone else of someone’s annoying brother that his Mom makes him play with? “Paul and Steve! When you go to that debate you take your socialist brother!” If you watched the debates you would think that Jack Layton was secretly plotting the assassination of Paul Martin because the Liberals are so obviously corrupt and unfit to rule. Then, when no one is really looking, the NDP jumps right into bed with the Liberals to force their minority social issues through the house by basically blackmailing the Liberals. Who are the truly corrupt?
Do I vote for the Green party? With a pressing social agenda encompassing such valid and necessary ideals as improved treatment of zoo animals, I don’t see how I could not! I mean, think of those animals… in zoos… being well fed and taken care of, with full access to professional medical care, daily feeding regimines, a life free from predators, and a well maintained habitat. That is a travesty. Far more important than dealing with the masses of homeless throughout Canada. Oh, and I agree that we need to treat animals in slaughter houses more humanely before we fire steel bolts into their heads and slice and grind them into choice cuts. That would be money well spent. Women only seats in the House? Why not, I mean, it seems completely logical to force several ridings to only have the option to vote for women regardless of their suitability. Thanks Green party! You mindless pandering hippies….
Do I vote Libertarian, Communist, Marxist/Leninist (why do we need 2 of the same party?), or independent? No.
Seriously now, please tell me who to vote for. Anyone who can give me one (1) good reason why I should vote for any of these parties will curry my favor and win my vote. Please help me.
