There are a lot of things that I would like to write in this blog that I simply cannot. I’m not given the option to treat this as an online diary, where I can be myself; where I can be honest and to the point. I can’t complain about the things that anger me, I avoid politics, and I aim not to polarize myself. This is leaving me to ask the question “why bother?”

This was easier when I was anonymous and I didn’t tell anyone that I was blogging. It served as a great outlet during some tumultuous times and looking back, the things I wrote are really interesting (to me). I wrote honestly about so many things which I may have otherwise forgotten about. Especially when I was leaving my last job. At the time it felt sudden, but as I read old posts I really saw how unhappy I was there - and how inevitable my departure actually was.

My currently life doesn’t afford me the ability to write like that. Even if I were to post using a pseudonym, I would constantly have to fear being “discovered.” Losing my job, ruining my reputation, or affecting future opportunities would be a steep price to pay to cleanse my palate and spew forth with all of the spite and vitriol which I now bottle up.

So I’m at a loss. How do I define the balance between self-indulgence and self-perseverance? When is it okay to just let go and let my opinions be known, and when should I just shut the hell up?

I remain in limbo with a number of unpublished drafts asking myself that very question.